FORGIVENESS

Initial words & actions may trigger pain & anger.

Holding on to their memory creates endless suffering for all of humanity.

Make room for Me

& the generational healing that follows when you forgive yourself & others.

IAM the Holy realignment that follows

The true act of forgiveness is one of the most powerful achievements a human being can attain in this world.  It is the grand achievement that the great mystic & teacher Jesus was hoping to inspire within each of us.  It is an act unlike anything else in the human experience because forgiveness not only serves you and your trespasser, but it also serves humanity.

What act of forgiveness is waiting to unfold within your life?  What powerful steps are you about to take in your life that will raise all of us higher?  I know you can do it because I did.

My husband’s sudden death had  jolted me into a place of stillness.  When I was not grieving, I found myself sitting in total silence, unaware of time or the outer world. Often I would get from one place to another with little memory of how I had arrived.

His family are devout Catholics and they wanted to hold a more religious memorial service in his home town. Driving the 4 hours to McAllen Texas was my first real trip alone since he died and I drove in silence with his ashes in a black box next to me.  About 30 minutes from my destination, I was coming upon the highway exit to my estranged father’s home.  He lived alone since mother died, and I had not spoken to him in over three years.  We had parted ways after an unforgivable, broken trust between father & daughter & granddaughter.

That familiar exit to his home was about a mile away and I sped up just a bit to get past it when I heard a commanding voice which seemed to be outside of me.

“You must go and ease his pain.”

Instinctually, I knew this voice was referring to my father & as strange as this may sound,   I ignored the command and continued driving towards my sister’s home.  I was not interested in visiting ‘him’.  The thought of seeing him made me angry and I must admit, a bit afraid.

Then it happened again, only this time is was louder and firmer. I could feel the voice and thought to myself, where is this coming from?  Who is this?

“You must go and ease his pain.”

Un shaken, and like a stubborn child, I raised my voice and found myself saying out loud in my car, “NO!  If you want, I will write him a letter, but I will not go see him.” 

Who am I talking to?  I must be crazy. I’m speeding down an interstate highway talking to a commanding voice in my car while my late husband’s ashes are strapped into the passenger seat next to me.  I put my mind back on the road and the task of getting safely to my sister’s home.  But it began to happen again.  This time I could feel the energy building inside the car, and now within my body. It was inescapable and omnipresent. And with a booming reverberation the voice commanded,

“You must go and ease his pain……. ……  and yours.”

A long empty space of silence followed.  The tension that once filled the car and my body was now released and I knew then I would go to my father’s home in the morning. I didn’t know what I would do or what I was supposed to say. I just knew that something beyond my understanding was taking place and I could no longer deny its mandate.

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It must have been 5am when I awoke in my sister’s guest bedroom.  There at my feet lay my copy of Seat of The Soul by Gary Zukoff.  A page was dog-eared and it read as follows:

“Allow yourself to pray. Just as many times human beings find themselves in circumstances where the hurt or the pain is so great, that on their own power they can not forgive. It is enough that they pray to be given the grace, the perception, the elevated Light that will allow them to forgive.”    Gary Zukoff.  Seat Of The Soul.  

I quickly dressed and slipped out into the pre dawn darkness, making the 10 minute drive to my father’s home.  My mind was whirling with thoughts about confrontation, of fear, and of turning around.  I was a jumble of intimidation and child like anger.  How was I going to ease his pain?  What about mine? Geez,  I was the victim in all of this.  So why am I being pushed to do this?   I was fine without him in my life.  I didn’t care about him anyway.

As I turned onto his street I could see the driveway up ahead.  I slowed down to catch my breath and collect my thoughts.  Oh how I wish my mother could be there.  I was going to be alone against a parental force that had betrayed me & my daughter.

As I turned to enter the driveway, I dimmed my lights thinking I didn’t want to wake him. That seems silly to me now.  I think I was looking for a reason to hide, to escape, to retreat back into the shadows of my pain and anger.

I parked the car in the cul de sac and walked to the glass entry door.  There he was, sleeping in his chair with his glasses notched upon his nose and a newspaper upon his lap.  The muted TV cast a flicker of light across the room.  It was then that a warm sense of compassion arose within me, replacing my fear with confidence and my anger with a humility that arrives only through wisdom.  As I slide the door open he opened his eyes and I stepped into his room.

It took a moment for my father to recognize who I was in that early morning darkness. After all, he had not seen or spoken with me in years.  His eyes grew big with the realization it was me as I slowly approached him and sat down on the ottoman in front of his chair.  No words were spoken.

“You must go and ease his pain.”

I then knew why I had been summoned there.  A stream of understanding began to fill me as I saw years and years of built up anger leaving my body.  My heart burst with a level of love for him that I had not experienced before.  Leaning into my father, I put my arms around him and held him a very long time before I said to him……“I forgive you father.  I forgive you.”

My father never said one word.  But his eyes reflected back to me his humility and gratitude.  All the resistance in my car the day before, the arguing, and fear of my father… all of those emotions would have kept me from this powerful moment of release…and where would I have been if I had not come to him?

Over my father’s shoulder, I could see a small glimmer of the emerging sun. Sensing it was time to go, I began to release my arms from around him.  Suddenly there was a pulsing flash of electricity that rushed through my entire body.  I could hear every cell crackle…..every one of them. Like a thousand snapping embers, this energy whoosed through me from head to toe.

And then it happened.

In full visual clarity, I could see lined up in front of me every female within my future lineage.  I saw my three daughters, and behind them, their children, and behind them, their children’s children…..stretching into infinity.  Still holding onto my father,  I could then see through the back of myself  (difficult for me to find words to explain how this could be) every female soul of my past perfectly lined up.  Like looking into a mirror within a mirror, I could see my mother, my grandmothers, my great grandmothers, and women I did not know…. all stretching and fading into infinity. Then, with the quickening of that act of forgiveness, every single soul ‘clicked’ in unison.  The entire lineage shifted upwards together every so slightly.  The crackling in my cellular body stopped and the view of my ancestors faded.  I then heard that same voice say….

“It is done.”

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Gently, I released my father and looked deeply into his eyes.  Something wonderful had just transpired between us.  And the gift of total forgiveness was all that remained between us.  I left in silence.  A sense of humility and gratitude had taken me over and I realized my body was different…almost weightless as I walked to my car. This experience has somehow altered me.  Not only did my heart feel soft like a feather, but my entire body seemed to flow with ease.

I later discovered that my body had filled with ‘Light’ that morning. From where?  I would like to think it was directed by my greater IAM presence.  However, the act of forgiveness released more than just my storage of pain… it touched the entire chain of souls I am connected to and I witnessed the result of a holy realignment.  Forgiving each other reaches far beyond our imagination…. it allows you, me and the entire world to hold a little more light because of it.

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Years later I shared this story with a mystic I had met.  She told me this:

‘Ahhhhh Rebecca.  You climbed into the snake pit with the snake charmer.  But you went even farther…..you showed him the doorway out.  Now it is up to him. You have been released.  Your work with your father is done.’       Vanessa from Mystic Valley

My father was a great teacher for me.  Without him, I could not have experienced forgiveness on such a deep soul level.  And without him I would not have been initiated through the act of forgiveness.